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C4 Old Boys/Girls 2008 - The First XI!
24/11/2006
Friday 23rd - Monday 26th May 2008
Yes it's hard to believe, but this years Old Boys/Girls May Bank Holiday Weekender will mark the 11th Anniversary of this amazing reunion weekend! A full unedited report follows...
It was the most messy yet – FACT.
Firstly, a big hand to all my team for setting up the venues and for the work they put in over the weekend – it wouldn’t happen without you.
Friday: The “Warm Up” at the SU
What can I say about this night apart from WOW! Over 300 packed into the Union as Old and New squads started the weekend in style. Special mention to netball girls Davina twin and Jolie who sustained the first injuries of the weekend bush diving before they had even got to the Union! By the time the swelling came up Davina looked like she had been in the ring with Hatton.
The women’s teams did us proud again as they all turned up in their Old Girls Tour tops; netball in pink sleeveless polo’s, Rugby in purple and hockey the pick of the bunch dressed as lifeguards with mandatory inflatable’s. To be fair there were so many girls about in force with matching dress that the lads felt a little intimidated – that was until Staggy and the Old Boy footballers set another level when they arrived as one dressed as Goldie Lickin’ Chain. Truly amazing. I didn’t realise that Kappa made such an assortment of shell suits, headbands and sweat bands – great work fellas.
Dr Death, aka Robbie Wakeman, dished out the first fine of the weekend to current football boy James “sister act” McMeckan who fully deserved his jug of contributions as he had decided to miss the Saturday to go shopping with his girlfriend and then to the UKC summer ball – shame on you! And that was pretty much Robbie’s last action of the night as he then proceeded to introduce Hayley Holmes to the on looking crowd by relieving her of her boob-tube – much to the displeasure of Hayley and the door staff (Wakeman exit stage left). The partying continued with a vengeance and the survivors joined Robbie afterwards at Baa Bars – like we needed more booze.
Saturday: Match Day
Plenty of hangovers were evident as the sports teams took to the field to contest their trophies. Most hung-over had to be our legendary Sports Sabb Claire Slater who I have never seen look so green and who listened intently to the Old Girls Rugby huddle from the ground in the foetal position. That being said Whistler didn’t even make it to her netball – NOTED.
The team captains were amazingly well organised (although Men’s Hockey could do with remembering that they need two umpires AND two goal-keeping kits for next year!) and the minibus gang did a grand job ferrying everyone about (cheers Chloe, Lee and Hayley). Big hand to netball, hockey and basketball for morning starts – I honestly don’t know how you do it. It was great to see so many people out supporting the morning matches – I know the players really appreciated it. Special mention from the morning games goes to Kylie Rashid who, with the last flick of the Men’s Hockey match, saved a certain goal with his lip – OUCH.
Attention then turned to the afternoon matches at Stodmarsh where Lacrosse made their old boys debut alongside the footballers and rugby players. Big hand to those Lacrosse boys; I think a lot of us didn’t realise how tough a game it is (honestly it’s like playing hockey at head-height whilst being able to smash your opponent like in ice-hockey but also with the stick – mental). Although getting everybody to move their cars from around the lacrosse pitch was a challenge…
The sun shone and the crowds swelled as the morning teams were joined by many of the Old Boy and Old Girl’s with young families. At one point there were so many buggies I thought I was running a cresh! A strong turn out by the cheerleader’s provided half time entertainment. Benn Smith took the honour of being this year’s Old Boys Rugby Captain.
The Results
Women’s Hockey – University V OG: OG 3-1
Women’s Basketball – University V OG: OG 37-19
Men’s Basketball – University V OB: Uni by loads
Netball – University V OG: Old Girls 31-16
Men’s Hockey – University V OB: OB 9-3
Women’s Football – University V OG: OG 6-0
Women’s Rugby – University V OG: OG by loads
Men’s Football – University V OB: Uni 8-6
Men’s Rugby – University V OB: OB 41-5
Men’s Lacrosse – University V OB: OB 11-7
Yep another fantastic year for the Olds as we ended up winning 8 out of 10 sports. Special mention to Kelly and the Old Girls football who threw off the flack from being the only Olds team to lose in 2007 with an emphatic 6-0 win! Lacrosse Old Boys won their inaugural match and Women’s Hockey, Basketball and Rugby remain undefeated – nice work Hayley, Jaynie, Mel, Lou and Rock’ard! Spare a thought for Jay Gifford who saw his Basketball boys lose for the first time. The man was gutted and it wasn’t even close – OUCH. It was also NOTED that Luke Kelly, coming off the bench for Old Boys Rugby, must have warmed up and dynamically stretched for the best part of twenty minutes – his body is a temple… All of the matches were played in the C4 spirit of commitment and friendship and everyone fully deserved their beers that followed.
The Jolly Social & Baa Bars
The post-match carnage then began at the Jolly Sailor, which again was closed just for us. It really was the busiest yet with over 430 packed into both the garden and the pub. Bottles were banned to allow for golf ball madness later. Not wanting to let their now expectant crowd down, Staggy and the Old Boy Football turned up in day two’s outfits – Arctic Monkey’s tweeds and plus fours, including pipes, neckerchiefs and deer-stalkers. Massive respect lads.
After supplying the nuclear waste for last years’ fines, I knew that Kyle Rashid wouldn’t let us down. Out came another bottle of Andorra’s finest ALCOHOL 96 plus some Korean rice wine simply known as Soju. He was aided by another sheepish character, whose face I have forgotten, who handed me a bottle of brown stuff before twitching slightly and disappearing into the crowd. All was really harsh, certainly on par with the Serbian homebrew.
With Robbie Wakeman disappearing to go to a wedding reception (NOTED) and Monkey feeling her age, our Health and Safety Team was a little depleted with just Bubble taking the role as “Dr Death”. That was until Monkey rolled out two substitutes in Ann Summers finest: Nurse “Peanut” Nightshade and Sister “Jolie” Suicide from the current netball certainly looked the part and got well stuck into dishing out the syringes to anybody that came close – great work. They were aided most admirably by the ex-Sports Sabbs Bloomers and KP who throughout the fines and boat race poured over 300 pints – strong.
With people tucking into the BBQ the boat race heats kicked off and the team trophies and sport fines were given out. Notable sport fines during the trophies were Vicky Vincent for Old Girls Hockey for scoring an own girl (the Currents’ only goal!), Portia for being a sex-pest, Tiny Dom for scoring a header and Phil Mooney receiving an egg-chaser then a meat-ball chaser for switching codes hockey to rugby – yuk! Amelia Smith from Women’s Basket Ball stepped up for the first Dolmio of the weekend having lost the trophy when passing out in Baa Bars last year. Thankfully it was found by Women’s Rugby’s BJ who kept it quiet all year before revealing it to much applause.
At the request of the Girls the boat race was split into a Men’s half and a Women’s half so we could finally put to bed the great debate of which ladies boat is fastest. The Girls really got stuck in with Portia and Frosty screaming encouragement to their respective teams. Although I am not sure if the Netball girls drank quicker out of encouragement or fear such was the ferocity of Portia’s screaming of “EAT IT” in their faces. Men’s Rugby disgraced ourselves again with neither team reaching the Semi Finals. The Cheerleaders finally entered a crew this year – and then were knocked out in the qualifying round by the Old Girls Netball. It’s the taking part that counts – honest; just ask Sister Hannah.
With the Boat Race paused before the finals it was time for the main general housekeeping fines from last year. The doctors were in full force and the poison was being poured in increasingly larger shots. Health & Safety fines saw Chris Twin take one for getting beaten up by a girl on the Sunday, Holmsy for his Spiderman over the marquee, Shag for passing out in the shower and flooding the pub he lived above and Bubble for snogging Omar – nothing against this but if its cross sexuality snogging then that’s just passing germs. The Andy McGoldrick drunken pest award – a 4 pint Jug of water - had several nominees (me for being carried home from Baa Bars, Amelia Smith for being carried out of Baa Bars, Bubble for being chucked out of Baa Bars). However, the award was won for the second year running by Lordy for his outrageous sexual frenzy when he cleanly ripped the groan out of an unlucky ladies jeans. The Sunday Bloody Sunday fines celebrated the casualties of the 2007 Leo Sayer (Owen, KP sleeping, Staggy’s Voice, me, Bubble) and the X-factor had Craig May up singing as he picked Old Boys over X-Factor auditions (probably wise mate after that performance).
The final fines were simply known as “The Shame”. The Cougars Rugby (Old Boys who play in the sevens and summer touch leagues) stepped up after a clerical error at the Canterbury Sevens saw them play under the title UKC Cougars. However, the real traitor was Phil Mooney, whose antics last year of pulling a UKC girl and then also leaving the pub-crawl to meet her for lunch are well documented. A truly dirty pint of Dolmio, a million syringes, half a pint of poison and an “I’m supporting UKC“ T-shirt later and he was declared exercised.
I thought I’d got away with it until I announced that Carly was leaving the Jolly – because I had bought it! Resultant wild celebrations, a pint of Dolmio and several syringes including one in the eye (cheers Jolie). I truly hope to make it a home for Christ Church Old and Current – more on that to follow…
With no time for recovery it was onto the Boat Race finals. In the Women’s final the battle was between an impressive Hockey crew and the favourites Rugby. It was damn close, but in the end the Rugby girls won it and proved that they were undoubtedly the quickest of the girls. They received our newest trophy – The Fastest Coxless Crew. The men’s final was an all silky shorts affair as Current and Old Football lined up amid a collection of tweed, hair gel and ill fitting designer cardigans. This race was pure sprint and although the reigning champs, the Old Boys, thought they had taken it, it was Alfie’s Current boys who the crowd saw finish first. With hardly a pause, it was on to see who out of the quickest Men’s and Women’s teams would carry away the Andy McGoldrick Boat Race Shield. The crowd favourites were Women’s Rugby, but despite it being very tight, the Current Football Boys were determined to carry away their second trophy of the weekend, and were duly crowned champs. Queue let’s pretend we scored a goal and tonnes of singing from all teams.
The remainder of the Jolly was a complete mess as the Golf Balls arrived in force. One more house keeping matter needed to be decided as Chopsie from Women’s Rugby stepped up to face the Straw-pedo challenge. At varsity she had drunkenly stated that she could beat anyone at downing a bottle with a straw. We put that challenge to the test by lining up the entire Current and Old captain’s. Unfortunately she had also stated one after another. She did well but after six straight wins it all came back to haunt her. We played winner stays on and various others acquitted themselves well, notable Jordan Men’s Rugby captain and Vicky from Women’s Hockey. However, nobody won as many as Chopsie so well done to her – she is the Straw-pedo champ.
As the sun began to set, there was just enough time to wheel out the break-dance floor. The standard of the entries had slipped some what until the reigning champs took to the floor. They clearly outstripped the rest and, just like George Sampson, had clearly been practising for their return. The Tag Team of Giles Bloodworth and Nick Tiley-Nunn were duly crowned the winners of the Power’s Break Dance Trophy and we all departed the Jolly for Baa Bars.
Baa Bars passed in a haze of celebration, golf balls and fun as the ground-floor heaved with happy-smiling C4 faces. The bouncers duly chucked Bubble out as they do every year and Simon Roll was in all kinds of trouble by the bar – but the bouncers ignored him and kept threatening to chuck out a fairly sober Staggy – which I think is fair.
Sunday – The Leo Sayer
The Leo Sayer can best be described as WRONG! With people queuing at the Jolly doors at midday we knew we were in for a big day with over 80 involved in the crawl. Neal Chambers got the BBQ going again and the pub-crawl group grew steadily as a large mixed group of Old Boy Football and Rugby was joined by a simply huge group of combined netball that even included the former Old Girls captain and C4 legend Bo Jush – her first Sunday. Women’s Rugby arrived in force with Slater looking only slightly less green than she did on the Saturday, and the rest of the teams and general Olds were well represented. Netball began the day strong with a quick hour of centurions that left the God-Mother Monk on early chunder and Portia and Jolie well smashed by 13:00 – it was going to be a long day. Lordy had some making up to do for jumping ship last year and had to down his first four pints at Staggy’s decree. Pockets seemed to be bulging with golf ball shaped bumps and everyone was on guard – that was until the Blackcurrant incident…
With the Jolly being almost drunk dry on the Saturday, and Snaky B being the order of choice, they were out of the red stuff when we arrived. Carly rapidly despatched a staff member to get some more, who, on return, plopped a 4-pint jug of straight Blackcurrant cordial on the main table for everyone to top up their Snake-bite jugs. Up stepped Bubble. Down dropped a golf ball straight into it! Surely one of the nastiest fines I have ever seen. It took him five minutes, didn’t stay down for long and resembled a massacre as it came back. As Muff so eloquently stated as Bubble was two pints of cordial in, “this would be a bad time for Bubble to discover he was a diabetic…” From that point on it was open season on the golf balls. Walshy seemed to be open continually and was dishing out looks of disdain whenever he copped one. As Staggy and the boys were on a dress down day, Rothwell, Muff, the Twins and Weeman stepped up to the mark and came dressed as, well I’d like to say ladies but it was more trans-sexuals. Both Twins and Weeman failed to gather the concept of the gold ball as they proceeded to leave jugs open or dropped the ball – it wasn’t pleasant.
At 14:30, with hammered netballers a plenty, we headed to the Bishop’s Finger and its garden. The Twins continued to defy logic as they embarked on bottles, which Chopsie the Straw-pedo queen promptly placed straws in and pointed out the no bottles rules – down they went. Marine Captain James Knight (Military Cross) who drove down from parachute training just for the Sunday (legendary effort but two days late – NOTED) kept everyone in stitches as he moved from group to group telling stories best described at XXX rated and clearly worrying. He met his drinking match in the Rugby Girls, who sent him crawling back to the Rugby/Football table in pieces. Current Rugby and Netball decided to swap tops – which wasn’t a great look for the lads and Rothwell gathered a whip for Weeman. Apparently Weeman’s crop-top outfit needed a finishing touch – so Weeman was dispatched to the high street, and came back, I kid you not, with his belly button pierced! WRONG. Current Rugby lad Geordie disrespected the Stagman in front off an expectant crowd. With memories of his Sunday a few years ago, Staggy offered Geordie a choice of punishments which involved licking various parts of Staggy’s body. One ring lick later and Staggy forgave him – we didn’t forgive Stag for seeing that…
The crawl progressed to Wetherspoons, where the many different partition walls seemed to provide perfect cover for Golf Ball ambushes and Women’s Rugby had a seriously hearty drinking circle in the garden. From there things moved messily to the Seven Stars. By now Jolie could only express herself by licking people’s faces and Portia made a huge drunken stack which looked like an A&E moment until she started giggling. Frosty and the Two Phil’s took charge of a fines session in the garden, prompted by Bubble spitting into Frosty’s pint. The third of a pint of spit contributions she collected for him was just nasty.
With people well and truly smashed, we stumbled on to the City Arms where we filled the pub and the street outside. By now Geordie was in all kinds of trouble having, since the Staggy incident, decided that death by leaving your pint continually open was better than dishonour. He was placed on water and given his social sec Phil as a guardian. Phil Mooney was suddenly attacked by assorted women who gave him a love bite necklace (nasty) and a drunk Peanut got a little emotional about leaving Uni. Rugby Girl Welshy copped a Golf Ball in a jug of snakebite that was almost as big as her. I held her up on a chair whilst she finished it – and the thanks I got was a puke down my arm – nice.
We hit Bar 11 and its £1 Vodka Red Bulls in style, with Kav barred outside for a unknown mister-meaner to sit on his chair and polish off four. It was time for a quick Sunday Double Straw-pedo fines session – Kav and Walshy took one for a gay wrestling video on Luke’s phone which ended rather abruptly with Walshy taking a finger up the arse – he looked truly violated. Rothwell enjoyed a session for not making the toilet on the way home on the Saturday, stepping back in it, and then walking his own excrement through his house… Bar 11 finished with a big sing song of C4 classics.
With people hitting struggle street we limped on to the Flying Horse for a few cheeky shots before the rather large group of survivors hit Baa Bars for a night of crazy dancing (Luke), more booze and lots of drunken conversations which included the lines I love you man/love C4/love Canterbury/I’m moving back/lets get married! KP did remarkably well as he managed to make it all the way to the club before falling asleep in a chair. This was better than poor Phil Mooney who, after last years UKC antics and the code switch, had taken fine after fine in his stride. His time unfortunately came as he passed out on the Baa Bars toilets and was carried out by the bouncers with dirty bum and pants round ankles – not pretty big man. The remainder of the evening passed in a happy C4 haze as we partied into the early hours.
Monday
OUCH – it really hurt and tiredness was a huge factor as the Olds finally crawled home. The 4/6 nations was rained off (although the girls managed to have their Cheer-off – v.amusing). As my group of Old Rugger and Footie were leaving we popped our heads into the Penny only to find the Rugby and Netball girls getting back on it for day four! After a brief pause, where Staggy and I looked at each other with a mixture of fear and crack on?, we took the wise decision of legging it!
Oh and we always like to get a new OB/OG couple a year – watch this space and we will Lord it up if this one comes off…
Well that was 2008 – anyone fancy 2009?
Thought so!
Keep Smiling,
BLACKY
xx
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